Radiant Dawn High
by Miss-Shermie
Summary: Radiant Dawn's entire cast in a high school. Random, isn't it? Each character gets their own personality - try reading. You MAY enjoy it. Rated for mainly innuendo and bad language. FINALLY CHAPTER 4 IS UP. WOOT!
1. Monday 1st

_I do not own Fire Emblem in any way, and I acknowledge the other things that I parody too._

_This story is set as a Fire Emblem - Radient Dawn parody set in a regular high school zone. I have only selected a few characters to be in  
the main story itself, however I'm making sure every single character in Radient Dawn gets at least one cameo.  
Senator Valtome is now the class teacher, Vice-Minister Lekain is now Vice-Principal Lekain and Prime Minister Sephiran is now Princial  
Sephiran. I also parody one of Family Guy's famous gags - a reference is made then they actually show it happening.  
I rate it fairly high mainly for violence, possible raunchiness and same-gender raunchiness, possible drug references, almost definitely  
some suggestive themes and some medium-level to possible high-level course language._

_Feel free to call me racist, call me homophobic, call me anything, but I'm none of it. I'm a straight female teen who loves her Fire Emblem =)  
I don't make fun of only the one topic, I make fun of everything._

_So, read the first chapter, and if you don't like it, you can send in a review with some constructive criticism.  
Good reviews are always good to hear, so I wouldn't mind seeing some of them =D but don't send flames. It's a waste of precious seconds  
in which you could be doing something slightly less useless as I will completely ignore them anyway.  
I hope you enjoy!_

"Uwee hee hee," chortled Valtome. "And why, if I may ask, have you left it at home, Mr. Rolf?"  
Rolf gulped. It wasn't the first time he had left his homework at home. Next to him, Shinon  
smirked, knowing what was going to happen next.

"Uwee hee hee hee," Valtome chortled again. "Uwee hee hee, well Mr. Rolf, you have let me  
down and your classmates down. I've had enough, go and see Vice-Principal Lekain at once."  
Rolf left sullenly, not wanting to face Lekain again.

Last time, Lekain had him rewarped to the inside of a volcano.  
Needless to say, Oscar and Boyd were not exactly impressed.  
As Rolf passed him, Gatrie tripped him up. This sparked up a riot of laughter, particularly  
in the presence of Calill and Shinon... and Valtome.

Rolf was long gone before Valtome stoppedwith his "Uwee hee's"  
and stopped curling his hair with his fingers.  
"Uwee...uwee hee...hee hee...uwee...uweee......." he mumbled.

Ike's group of friends was like a three-course meal, as Ilyana said.

**_"Ike was the main course, with Elincia on the side. Shinon and Boyd and Gatrie__  
were the bullies, like the entrees... and you have the... beautiful... Geoffrey...  
and... *drool* the dessert... *CRUNCH* ... *CHEW* ...mmm yeah..."_**

In the cafeteria, Ike actually did find his group of friends. As Ilyana had half  
managed to explain, Ike was 'with' Elincia. Shinon, Boyd and Gatrie were his friends,  
but they weren't nice to the so-called nerds. Lucia was Elincia's best friend, and  
Geoffrey was Lucia's brother, and he was 'with' Mia.

"Oh my God, did you see Mr. Mrs. Valtome today?" Shinon asked.  
"Meh... it wasn't as hilarious as the time we brought that nudist along."

**_Valtome was drawing on the blackboard. The nude boy walked in. Valtome did a  
double take, and fainted_**

"But did you see Rolf? Dude your brother is a wuss!" laughed Gatrie to Boyd.  
"Probably crying to his loser friends," Boyd replied.

"...a-and he made me clean his..." Rolf cried to Mist.  
"Oh, Rolfie, he made you clean him there as well?" Mist said, sympathetically.  
"Yeah well, Lekain is not particularly known for his modern punishments." added Titania.

**_Nephenee is in a guillotine. "You will regret passing that note, girl,"_**

"I'm glad you guys are my friends..." Rolf sniffed.  
Rolf, Mist, Rhys, Titania, Zihark and Ilyana were close friends. But unknown to every single  
one of them, the person they all secretly admired (ADMIRED) admired them back.  
This led to quite awkward silences and awkward situations.

_**The group is dead silent. A newcomer, some guy called Aran, is looking nervous.  
After another few seconds of silence he suddenly jumps in front of a bus.**_

"Hey Rolf," Ilyana piped up. "Let's find your brother so we can get money from him. I'm  
starving!"  
The group looked at each other.  
"Ilyana, you just ate the entire crate of burgers from the cafeteria!" Titania whispered.  
Rhys nodded.  
"Hey, I've done worse!" Ilyana protested.

_**The door opens, revealing Ilyana in a stripper's outfit.  
"Is it you..." asks a boy.  
"It's me..." she replies, seductively. "I'm Ilyana... but you can call me The Mistress..."  
"Really!! Sweet! My name is Edward! I .. uh... so..."  
"Here, let me help you relax..." Ilyana said sexily, walking in, and unzipping his pants.  
*CRUNCH*  
**_

"Well...true..." Rhys agreed.  
"Let's find Oscar." Zihark said, wanting to change the subject.

Oscar was atop his pony. So were Astrid, Makalov and Kieran.  
Oscar was waiting... he was waiting...  
waiting...  
"Now!!!" cried out Kieran.

"Where? WHERE?" yelled Oscar.  
"Over there, to the west dumpster!" pointed Astrid.  
"Go!" yelled Makalov.

The four horsemen slash horselady rose as fast as they could towards the dumpster.  
"Stop right there!!!" screamed Astrid.  
"Police!" Kieran yelled out.

Shinon stopped threatening the young boy called Tormod.  
"Oh.. please," he groaned. "You cannot possibly be taking this job seriously."

Oscar scowled.  
"It is our job as the Playground Police to stop any and all means of bullying!"

Shinon rolled his eyes.  
"This is almost as pathetic as the time Reyson tried to play soccer."

_**Reyson goes to kick the ball. There is an awful cracking sound and Reyson falls  
to the ground as if he simply deflated.**_

"Pathetic or not, it's still our job!" Makalov said haughtily.  
"Ahhhh shut up," Shinon pushed Makalov off his horse.

Makalov hit the ground and scraped his knee.  
"Aaaawwwwwwwww!!!" Makalov burst into tears. "Owwwwwwwwww-w-ww..."

The other three drew in massive breaths.

"Hmph..." Shinon simply walked away.  
"Quick, get him to Rhys! He's a medical trainee!" shouted Astrid.  
"NOT HER!!!!!" Makalov bawled.

**_"Ohhhh there we go, I'm so sorry, Mia. It's never taken me fourteen pokes  
to find a vein in somebody's arm."_**

"Hey Calill!" called out Gatrie, his eyes filled with lust.  
"Step off, Gatrie," said Calill coolly.

Calill was the sex symbol of the entire school. She was the only person in Principal  
Sephiran's advertisement of the school, and since that went on air two weeks ago,  
the school has enrolled about twelve girls and two hundred boys.

"Hey, Calill!" called out Lesbian Laura, her eyes filled with lust.  
"Step off, Laura," Calill said, every more cool than before.

Calill continued walking in her tight-fitting uniform and high heels.

"Hey, Calill!" called out Soren.  
"Soren! How's it going?" she smiled as they started walking down the corridor  
together, laughing and talking.

Lesbian Laura was heartbroken.  
"Gatrie, why is Calill so nice to Soren?" Lesbian Laura asked.  
"It's because he's gay!" Gatrie replied, viciously. He hated Soren because he was  
a homosexual. "He's the only guy in the school who won't hit on her! Bloody homo..."

**_  
Soren, Zihark, Rhys and Rolf are all in a female strip joint. Zihark is grinning, Rolf is  
gawking with his mouth open, Rhys is trying to pray, but he only has one eye  
closed and the other eye wide open, and Soren is looking through a Woman's Weekly._**

======================================  
**_  
_**The Lunchtime Recess bell rang. Everybody started to go back to class - except Ike and Elincia  
who were still in the cafeteria. And if you looked reeaall hard, you could spot a certain  
lavender-haired girl gnawing a drumstick poking out of her mouth in the corner. And a very  
self-conscious looking Zihark.

"Ike...we have about three minutes..." Elincia hinted smoothly.  
"Excellent!" Ike grinned. He went and went to get one of Ilyana's drumsticks.

Ilyana saw him approach, and when he reached for her food, she began to growl menacingly.  
Ike leapt back as Ilyana bared her teeth and growled again.

"Okay, missie, I think it's time for class..." Zihark said softly.  
"But I haven't had entrees yet!" Ilyana complained.  
"Cmon!" Zihark pleaded. "I'm scared to go out alone!"

**_"Oooooh Zihark!" a female voice sounded through the corridor.  
Meg stood at the end of it, hearts for eyes, and begins sprinting towards him.  
"It's coming at us!" shrieked Soren.  
"Run!" cried Ilyana.  
Meg bowled them all over.  
"Strike!" Boyd gave Gatrie a high-five._**

Ilyana put four drumsticks in her purse.  
"Alright, let's go."

Haar closed his locker, but was greeted by Jill.  
"I'm pregnant!" she whispers fiercely.  
"What??" he whispers back.  
"We slept together. You remember?"

_**Haar rolls off the top of Jill.  
"That.. was... amazing..." pants Jill.  
"Yeeeaaahhhh... thanks sexy gnome..." Haar replies.  
"Awww...you smoked it again didn't you."**_

"You'll remember now, and for the rest of your life!" she cries, and runs away down the corridor.  
Haar doesn't know what to say when the whole corridor stares at him.  
"We have sex a lot."

TO BE CONTINUED  
_Sorry for such a short chapter, guys. I've been too busy playing the game itself to write about it XD  
Anyway, I may continue if I get nice reviews... maybe not if nobody's impressed... then I'll feel rejected =) lol_


	2. Tuesday 2nd

_Well, two reviews was enough for me. =D Thanks Thingy Person and Coonamatatah! ;D_

_This story takes off the day after the massive cliffhanger (lol) of Chapter 1.  
You should be able to find some recurring jokes about characters by now =)  
Valtome is a homosexual pedophile  
Ilyana can't stop eating  
Calill is that girl that can't quite see how far the line is_

_I love to parody and I love to make fun of things. It's absolutely understandable if you don't get  
the jokes, because the range is limitless._

_It would be great if you could review as well, good review or bad review, they're both good.  
But flames are the wrath of people depraved of attention._

_So have fun with it =D  
_

* * *

_**Previously on Fire Emblem High**_

**Nephenee is in a guillotine.**

**Aran jumps in front of a bus.**

**Meg bowls everyone over.**

_**Haar closed his locker, but was greeted by Jill.  
"I'm pregnant!" she whispers fiercely.  
"What??" he whispers back.  


* * *

**_

Jill walked into the classroom, and found Haar crying and sucking his thumb.

"Haar… what's wrong?"

"Everything! I can't believe this happened…" he wept.

"Haar… is it about us?" she whispered, sincerely.

"Mm-hmm-mm…" he whispered back shakily.

"Look, it was a mistake. We just have to be more careful next time we … you know." Jill soothed. "It was an accident. You didn't mean for this to happen. But now we have to live with it forever."

"Tell me about it… that's the last time I let you carry my sandwich!" Haar replied angrily.

Jill groaned.

* * *

Calill and Elincia were walking to school.

"So, how's Ike?" asked Calill.

"He's ignoring me lately since I ruined his good time.." She replied.

**Ike and Elincia are together on a bed, in their underwear. Elincia slowly begins to unstrap her bra…  
"OI, IKE!"  
"Hey, look it's Stefan!" Ike suddenly piped up, shoving Elincia violently off the bed and scrambling to the window. "STEFAN!!!" He beckoned to Stefan.**

**Elincia climbed back up and went to the window also. "Piss of, we're having sex!!" she cried and slammed the window shut..**

**A sly smile crossed Stefan's face. "Really…" he grinned in a creepy manner.**

"Sounds… creepy." Calill said with a raised eyebrow.

"That's the last time we're having intimate moments and letting Stefan know about it…" shuddered Elincia.

* * *

"Argh! I can't believe this!" shouted Principal Sephiran.

"Trust me, sir, there have been weirder things to happen in this school." Vice Principal Lekain replied.

"**Well, Ilyana, your tests results say that you are malnourished." Said the school nurse.**

"Looks like I have to expel a student to keep our budget." Sephiran said, unhappily.

"Who do you choose?" Vice Principal Lekain asked.

"I'll find one today." He replied evilly.

**DUN DUN DUN**

**

* * *

  
**"Uwee hee hee…" Valtome chortled. "It's time to take out your books and pencils… Uwee hee hee…"  
"Excuse me sir…" Rolf asked timidly. "I left my book at home…"

Mist already felt sorry for Rolf.  
"Uwee hee hee… stay here before going home Mr. Rolf." Valtome said smoothly. "I must … Uwee hee … punish you …"

Zihark and Titania looked at each other in pure disgust.

"He is one horny old man…" whispered Titania.

"Ever since he was left out on Valentine's Day…" agreed Zihark.

**Valtome walked down the corridor, obviously depressed. All the valentine's cards he got were from people over 17 years old. He opened the door to his classroom…  
There was Nephenee and Aran making contact with their mouths.**

**He sighed, shut the door and opened the door to another classroom.**

**Alas, Zihark and Ilyana, lying on the tables, making out something huge.**

**He sighed again, and tried to go into another classroom.**

**However, this time he found Soren and Leonardo. They seemed to be passionately kissing. Valtome continued to watch... Oh :o ... OH! =O!  
OHHHHHHHHHHHH =D ..... Ohhhhhhhhh? O.o  
He gawked until a chair was thrown at him.**

**He shut the door and hurried to the fourth classroom.**

**Oh God… now it was Mia and Geoffrey! … and… who is that hiding in the corner? Hmmm…better leave now.**

**He looked in a supply closet… Oh man, even Sephiran was getting lucky!  
Valtome held in his urge to have a loneliness meltdown, when he saw a bunch of clothes fly out of the fifth classroom.**

**Valtome ran home crying.**

Boyd threw the ol' famous paper airplane at Valtome. Valtome swiftly turn around and started yelling.

"That's it, you rebellious hunk! Down to Vice Principal Lekain at once!"

Boyd gulped.

"This oughtta be good…" whispered Micaiah.

**Boyd was blindfolded and handcuffed at the firing range. "FIRE!" shouted Lekain.**

* * *

"_Ancient language blah-blah_?" asked Leanne, the foreign exchange student.

Oscar had no freaking idea what she had just asked.

"Uhhh….WHAT?" he asked, trying to sound big and tough and cool.

"_Ancient language blah-blah_!" Leanne then said.

It was obvious to Oscar he was being picked on.

"Well, excuse me Mrs. Foreign Slut, speak New Language!" Oscar said, thrilled that he said a dirty word and had gotten away with it.

"_Ancient language blah-blah_" Leanne sniggered.

"Well…you're a…" he looked around to see if nobody was within hearing distance. "Bitch!"  
"_Ancient language blah-blah_?" Leanne asked, slyly.

"Umm…what?" Oscar didn't know what to answer.

"_Ancient language blah-blah_?" she repeated, grinning.

"Er… yes." Oscar replied with fake attitude.

Leanne made a disgusted face then burst out laughing and walked away, shaking her head.

Reyson sniggered. "Even my little sister is cooler than you!" he laughed.

* * *

"But Mordecai... I'm BORED!!!" whinged Lethe in the cafeteria.

"How can anyone be bored when we've got lunch entertainment?" asked Nephenee.

**Ilyana slowly stuffs a Foot-long sandwich in her mouth.**

"I'm not talking to you, country bitch!" Lethe retorted.

"How about a healthy dose of shut up" shouted Lyre, her twin sister.

Lethe gasped, and pimp-slapped her sister. "You skanky little slut!" she shouted.

"You're a bitch!" yelled Lyre.  
"A tart!" added Brom.  
"A ho!" added Nephenee.  
"A slew!" added Ike.  
"A complete bimbo!" added Calill, 'accidently' dropping honey on her cleavage.  
"A cow!" added Makalov.  
"A cat!" added Ranulf.  
"A whore!" added Rafiel.  
"Mnnm mnnmmn!" added Ilyana, her mouth full.  
"A jerk!" added Mia.  
"A _FEMALE!_" added Valtome.  
"And a whining douche." finished Sephiran simply, writing Lethe on his 'Possible expel' list.

Lethe gasped in shock.  
"I'm not THAT bad!" she retorted.

"Please, you're the new Clarine." Geoffrey replied. "Thank God she left 6 years ago."

"I'm not that bad!" she insisted.

"Really?" asked Mordecai.

**"I'm bored!" Lethe bitched.  
"Then find something to do!" Tormod replied.  
"But that's boring!" Lethe whined.  
"Shut up!" Tormod said.  
Lethe narrowed her eyes.  
She drank an entire bottle of Spirit, struck a match and started to breathe flames.  
Tormod escaped with burns covering 79% of his body, and never played sport again.**

**

* * *

**"ZIHARK BABY!!!!!!" called out a certain fat orange girl.  
"Oh God it's her!" Zihark began crying like a little boy who starred in a movie with Valtome.

**"Now now, little boy..." cooed Valtome as he neared Brawley Nolte.  
"It's not Ransom without some sort of ... twist. Uwee hee hee hee!!!"**

Ilyana and Zihark ducked into a supply closet. Meg went charging past.  
"Wow, that was close. Not as bad as last time."

**Zihark is on a plane with Ilyana. Suddenly, a fat orange girl in lingerie hijacks the plane.  
"Ohhhh Zihark! What a coincidence to be hijacking the same plane you are on!" Meg grinned.  
She placed a leg on the arm-rest of the seat. Ilyana and Zihark were silent in shock.**

"WHAT?!?" shouted Sephiran as he opened the closet door. Ilyana and Zihark cringed.

"Sexual relations in the school during school hours?!?" he roared. "WITHOUT MY PERMISSION???" he added.  
"You two are going on my possible expulsion list!" he said, and slammed the door closed.

Ilyana and Zihark grinned to each other, before locking the door.

* * *

"Got my lunch money?" grinned Shinon, pushing Sothe to the ground.  
"But... lunch is over..." groaned Sothe.

Sephiran walked over in a rage.

"YOU!" he shouted, pointing at them. Shinon stopped dead in his tracks.

Sephiran was clearly pissed off. "In my fourteen hours of being a principal I have NEVER seen such  
ignorance, inconsideration and meanness displayed by a _student_!" he yelled.

**"Oh, my lovely lovelies, I am honestly very apologetic for my slight temper this morning," giggled Oliver.  
"I had a lack of beauty sleep whilst polishing my head, and therefore am slightly cranky."**

**Tauroneo started to speak. "Excuse me Sir... I..."**

**Oliver turned around with a rifle.**

Sephiran was STILL ranting. "My dream was to have a school populated by friendly students who could co-operate together.  
But I find you right here, destroying it for me."

He took a deep breath.  
"There's no excuse, young man. I have to expel you."

Shinon and Sothe looked completely shocked.

"Get out. Never come back. Trust me Sothe, you won't be ruining any more flower patches here anymore. Oh, hi Shinon."

* * *

"Okay, Heather, I guess I will see you soon." Lesbian Laura hung up.

She travelled on home, but when she opened the door, she got a surprise.

Heather and Reyson broke their kiss and looked up.  
"Laura!" choked Heather.  
"...You-you're cheating on me!" cried Laura.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**

* * *

**_Okay, this is too fun. I'm gonna update next chapter when I get a chance =)  
Put in that Lethe part just for you, Coonamatatah.  
Please review =)_


	3. Wednesday 3rd

_**Previously on Fire Emblem High**_

**"Argh! I cannot believe this!"  
"FIRE!"****  
"Your test results say you are malnourished..."  
"It's not Ransom without some sort of ... twist... Uwee hee hee hee!"  
"I have to expel you!"  
**

**_Heather and Reyson broke their kiss and looked up.  
"Laura!" choked Heather.  
"...You-you're cheating on me!" cried Laura._**

**_

* * *

_**Heather and Laura stared at each other in shock.  
Stared... stared... stared...

"I... best be going..." said Reyson, breaking his ankle as he stood up.

Heather and Laura. They stared at each other.  
"You... little... bitch!" Lesbian Laura yelled.  
"Laura..." Heather began to talk, but Laura cut her off.

"I can't believe you betrayed me!" Laura cried out. "Why does everybody do this???"

**Micaiah and Laura are kissing in Micaiah's apartment. Laura breaks off.  
"Let me... freshen up..." Laura said sexily, as she left for the bathroom.  
Micaiah rushed to the window and jumped to her death.**

"Heather, why would you do this?" Laura just kept on going.

"Laura... I'm not a lesbian." Heather replied.

**The entire universe stops. "HUH???"**

"...You..." Laura was speechless. "I'm going to spread the rumours! How's that for lesbian!"  
"Oh, please Laura," Heather was calm. "You know I'm not going to let you do that.

Heather suddenly hit Laura with a huge mallet that appeared out of nowhere and rendered her unconscious.

"Yes... you're not going anywhere now..." Heather grinned evilly. "You're mine now!"

* * *

"Excuse me... Principal Sephiran?" Ilyana timidly entered the room, with Mist behind her.  
"How do you know my language?" he asked.  
"I'd like to ask... if you could please use a little bit of the school's budget to put more food in the cafeteria." Ilyana asked politely.

Sephiran was gobsmacked.

"Young lady, let me show you the school's budget graph."

**Science - 12%  
Mathematics - 4%  
English and other languages - 5%  
Physical Education - 2%  
Arts and Crafts - 25%  
Ilyana's Food Supply - 52%**

"I'm sorry, but we are strapped for money." Sephiran concluded.  
"You don't want to get between Ilyana and her food..." Mist said quietly.

**One of those dogs had stolen her burrito. She was going to get that dog if it were the last thing she ever did.  
She drove off in pursuit of the van. The two adult Dalmations gasped in horror as she came into their vision.  
"Pongo! There she is! Ilyana!" Perditi shouted in horror.  
Ilyana drove up beside the van, and attempted to ram him off the kerb. The van driver resisted it, and corrected his  
driving. Ilyana tried to ram again, but missed the bridge and drove into the ditch.**

**Cursing, she somehow plowed through 4-foot snow uphill, and flew out of the ditch. She crashed through a tree,  
which somehow stripped the car of all its covering. With her eyes gleaming red, she continued to speed up in pursuit  
of the truck. Ilyana snarled as the dogs in the van came into her view, and sped right up and rammed the back of it,  
accidentally getting her headlights caught in the back of the van.  
"GIVE HER THE FUCKING BURRITO!!" Pongo yelled. **

"I saw that somewhere like, 48 years ago." Sephiran said, suspiciously. "Are you sure your cut scenes are original?"

Ilyana burst into tears.  
"You haven't seen the last of us!" Mist said, taking Ilyana out of his office.

* * *

"Alright, my little pretties," Valtome said, smoothly. "I'm leaving for a few days to regroup. All this stress is causing me to faint a lot."

**"No, Volug!" Soren yelled.  
"It's MY pencilcase!" Volug yelled back.**

**Valtome watched the two little boys like a hawk.  
Soren gave a triumphant WOO as he wrestled it away from Volug's clutches.  
Volug frowned, then morphed into an enormous wolf. Soren gasped, and screamed as Volug leapt at him and bit on his crotch.  
Valtome grinned in excitement.**

**Leonardo came to his boyfriend's rescue. He tried to pry Volug off the screaming Soren.  
"You can't bite!" Leonardo cried. "He HATES it when you use teeth!"**

**Valtome fainted, with a look of ecstasy on his face.**

"So, your favourite Vice-Principal will be filling in." Valtome concluded.

"Crap!" said Ike.  
"No!" said Elincia.  
"Damn!" said Boyd.  
"Shit!" said Muarim.  
"Dang!" said Nolan.  
"Dog's breath!" said Petrine.  
"Uwee hee hee hee!" Valtome cackled. "UWEE HEE HEE HEE!!!" he continued cackling as it suddenly became night time and thunder shot through the sky.  
**

* * *

**

"Oh, do hurry up!" Lethe called out.  
"What do you want me to do? Cut in?" shouted Mordecai, at the end of the line at the cafeteria.  
"I want my pie dammit!" she yelled.

Lethe sat down, angry.  
"Hi Lethe." Elincia walked past.  
Lethe looked the other way, as Elincia shrugged and continued walking.  
"Why do you have to be such a bitch?" asked Lyre.  
"I'm not a bitch!" she yelled. Lyre rolled her eyes and walked away.

"Hurry up, retard!" Lethe shouted to Mordecai.  
"Fine." Mordecai said. "Do it yourself." he left the line and stormed out.  
Lethe glared. She walked up to the front of the line, and pushed little Tormod out of the way.  
"Hey!" Tormod snapped, getting up. "I was there!"  
"Was. But now you're not. Piss off!" she snorted.  
"Bitch!" he said, and walked away.

"Can I take your order?" Cafeteria Manager Hetzel asked.  
"FINALLY!" Lethe rolled her eyes. "I ALMOST had to wait."  
"Oh my God!" Rolf groaned. "How does Ranulf put up with you? You probably dominate even during sex!"

**"Oh, Ranulf." Lethe moaned, without emotion.  
"Oh, yeah!" Ranulf said, as he finished 'suiting up'.  
"Wait!" Lethe snapped.  
Ranulf sighed. "What?"**

**She pointed. "That's not going to stop anything. Put on another."  
Ranulf groaned. "Do you know how painful you can be?"  
She slapped the hard man-part. "NOW!"  
Ranulf stopped the urge to cry, and nodded, whimpering.**

**"Can't we try oral? You're too fussy like this..." Ranulf groaned.  
"What?" Lethe asked. "You think I'm going to get on my knees like a peasant?"  
"Umm..." Ranulf said, quietly.  
"It's not like I'm just going to let you get all the pleasure out of this!" she snapped.**

**Ranulf screwed his eyes shut.  
"Now get the second one on!" she yelled. "NOW!"  
Ranulf nodded.  
"No, no!" she rolled her eyes. "Have you not had civilized sex before? Forty minutes of foreplay!"**

**Ranulf simply left the room.  


* * *

**Meg walked the corriders, lonely. I mean, she wasn't THAT ugly was she? She was 5'7, weighed 225 pounds, she shaved off her moustache once a month, and waxed her legs every four weeks, and showered every fifteen days. Was she THAT unappealing?

Meg walked into her classroom.  
"HEY!" Calill cried, pulling her shirt back on.  
Largo zipped up his pants and jogged out the door.  
"Good on you, fatty!" Calill said, annoyed. "I was having fun with this new boy!"

Meg rolled her eyes. "Bloody hell Calill, you're such a whore!"  
Calill got up, slightly offended. "I'm not a whore. I just like to get to know all the boys spiritually."  
Meg raised an eyebrow. "You slut! You've had sex twice today and it's only first recess."  
Calill grinned. "You're just jealous because no man would ever lay with you."

Meg looked at the floor. "Yeah... I guess that's true..."  
Calill felt sympathy to this fat man-like girl with body hair covering 65% of her body.  
"Is there a boy you'd like to get with?" she asked.  
Meg took a breath. "His name is Zihark."

Calill grinned. "Ohhh! You mean foot-long!"  
Meg looked surprised. "What?"  
"Oh... nothing..." Calill refused to meet Meg's stare. "So tell me about him."  
"Well, I've tried numerous times to seduce him... but..."

**Zihark is on a plane with Ilyana. Suddenly, a fat orange girl in lingerie hijacks the plane.  
"Ohhhh Zihark! What a coincidence to be hijacking the same plane you are on!" Meg grinned.  
She placed a leg on the arm-rest of the seat. Ilyana and Zihark were silent in shock.**

And**  
**

**"Oooooh Zihark!" a female voice sounded through the corridor.  
Meg stood at the end of it, hearts for eyes, and begins sprinting towards him.  
"It's coming at us!" shrieked Soren.  
"Run!" cried Ilyana.  
Meg bowled them all over.  
"Strike!" Boyd gave Gatrie a high-five.**

"Wait..." Calill said. "I thought Zihark was with Ilyana?"  
"Yeah... that whore stole my man..." Meg growled.  
"She's not a whore!" Calill said, defensively.  
"There's only one thing I can do..." Meg said. "KILL ILYANA!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

* * *

"How are we going to get to the science fair?" Astrid asked.  
"We can hitchhike!" Makalov said, picking his nose.  
"Nah, I've had bad experiences with picking up hitchhikers." Oscar said, sullenly.

**Oscar stopped to pick up a man on the side of the road. He opened the door.  
"Hop in!" Oscar smiled to Ike.  
Ike suddenly cocked a shotgun. "GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!" he screamed.  
Oscar jumped, and quickly scurried out of the car.**

**"Now, drop your pants!" Ike yelled.  
"What?"  
"FUCKING DROP YOUR PANTS!!!"  
Oscar quickly obeyed.**

**"Now, jerk off!" Ike ordered.  
Oscar obeyed. Three minutes later, Oscar was done.  
"Now what?" he asked.  
"Again..." Ike said, menacingly.  
Oscar bit his lip. "Okay..." he did it again.**

**Four times later, Oscar was exhausted.  
"Dude... I'm all... dry.... I can't... do it... again...." he panted.  
"Excellent." Ike lowered his shotgun.  
"Mist, it's safe to go with this dude to the mall." he said.**

Heather walked past.  
"Hey Heather!" Kieran called out.  
Heather turned around and smiled.  
"Do you think I could come to your place again and work on your project?"  
"NO!" Heather called out quickly.  
"Why not?" Kieran asked.

**"Don't worry Laura... I'm just making sure that you can't get up and leave..." Heather grinned, obviously mad.  
"NO! You can't lock me up in here!" Laura yelled. "You have no right to stop me from telling everyone you're straight!"  
Heather laughed evilly. "It's all going to be okay, Laura." she finished tying the last knot.**

**Laura was tied down to the bed.  
"Now, to make sure you NEVER leave this apartment!" Heather grinned. She placed a block of wood between Laura's ankles.  
"...Heather... please don't go through with whatever you're planning!" Lesbian Laura gulped.  
"It's all okay..." Heather said, as she slammed Laura's ankle with a sledgehammer.**

**Laura screamed, and screamed again as Heather smashed her other foot at well.  
"Now Laura, be silent and watch Futurama...." Heather said as she left the room.**

"...My dog is ... sick." Heather grinned feebly.  
"Oh... ok." said Kieran, crestfallen.

* * *

The final class of the day - Math. Even worse, bloody Oliver was teaching it.

"Dude... you gotta get us outta this..." Ike whispered.  
"You're saying I must use my tactical prowess to get us out of Mr. Fat Fat Fatty's class?" Soren asked.  
"C'mon, Soren!" Mia pleaded.  
"Do it, you cissy!" ordered Lethe.

Soren thought for a minute.  
"Ok..." he said slowly. "I THINK I have a plan!" he grinned.  
Lethe groaned. "Really?" she asked, sharply. "I know this is against gay policy, but SPIT IT OUT!" she yelled, a bit too loudly.  
It was enough to turn 68 other heads, and one bald one.

Once things died down, Soren began to speak to his three companions again.  
"You know how Mr. Cheif Bellydancer loves beauty and hates ugly..."  
The three listened with interest.  
Ike ran straight down to Meg's seat and lifted her top up. Oliver screamed, and ran out the window and jumped.  
"...Shit!" yelled Nolan, his eyes wide open. "You guys are going to be SLAUGHTERED by Lekain!"

Lekain watched the classroom in his scrying orb.  
"MUHAHAHA! Just wait until tomorrow, when the author gets a chance to write... you little kids..."

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Thursday 4th

**PREVIOUSLY ON FIRE EMBLEM HIGH**

_**Ike ran straight down to Meg's seat and lifted her top up. Oliver screamed, and ran out the window and jumped.  
"...Shit!" yelled Nolan, his eyes wide open. "You guys are going to be SLAUGHTERED by Lekain!"**_

_**Lekain watched the classroom in his scrying orb.  
"MUHAHAHA! Just wait until tomorrow, when the author gets a chance to write... you little kids..."**_

_**

* * *

**_The first thing Lekain did the next morning was storm right down to room FE10.  
Using a taser gun, he zapped Soren, Ike, Mia and Lethe to stupidity, and then  
took them down to his office.

"Well, you little creeps, you just drove one of my best staff to kill themselves." Lekain grimaced.  
"...but...but... he.....s-sucks...." blabbered Soren.  
"Now now, you know backchat gets me a little bit heated up," Lekain warned.  
"But sir..." Mia argued.  
"Cry me a FUCKING RIVER you rebellious, horny and slightly lesbian looking bitch!" Lekain screamed. He quickly regained his temper. "You will HAVE to be punished for this..."

* * *

Zihark was just sitting down in a chair, waiting for Ilyana. He was thinking about their relationship,  
how they weren't officially together but they were obviously doing this to each other.  
His thoughts were interrupted by the tickly feeling of Meg's ear-hair as she sat down next to him.

"Tough day, huh?" Meg asked, obviously trying to seduce him, sticking her chest out, running her  
ape-like hands through her badly receding hairline.  
Zihark screwed his eyes shut. "Where is Ilyana?" he asked, upset. "She promised to be here."  
Meg looked at him, pretending to care.

**Ilyana walked by a stray tranquiliser dart. "Ooooh! Yummy!" She drank the contents.**

"Enough to drug Ashera..." she said to herself, evilly.  
"What?" Zihark asked.  
"I said: ENOUGH TO DRUG ASHERA!" Meg screamed out.  
Zihark looked at her, avoiding eye contact with the hair leaking out of her cleavage.  
"Goodbye, Meg." Zihark said stiffly and left.  
Meg began to cry.

Gatrie and Boyd walked past, and vomited on each other at the sight of Meg wearing a low cut top.

"I've NEVER been more disturbed!" Boyd choked. "Except once..."

**"So Leonardo, what have you got for entertainment tonight?" Boyd asked his new friend.  
Leonardo grinned.  
"Sort through my backpack!" he said excitedly.**

**Boyd obliged. He sorted through. Leonardo brought his Nintendo Wii around, with some games.  
"Weird," Boyd said, sorting through a game manual. "This guy looks exactly like you."  
"I know, right?" Leonardo smiled.**

**Boyd sorted through again, and brought out some cigarettes.  
"Nice!" he grinned.**

**Boyd's excitement dropped like Meg off a tall building when he pulled out a tube of Vaseline.  


* * *

**Reyson and Heather looked at each other in love. Not lust, love. It was an extremely rare thing to happen here.  
"I don't know what I was thinking..." Heather said. "Flirting with all the females in the school? I should have  
known a rumor was BOUND to have spread..."  
Reyson grinned. "Who cares? You're my Heather."

**Que audience: AWWWWWWWW**

They broke the kiss.  
Reyson spoke first. "You wanna go to your place later?"  
"NO!" Heather cried out.

**"Now now Laura, you know you're not allowed to call for help," Heather said, definately crazy.  
Laura screwed her eyes shut. "Please don't make me stay here..." she whimpered.  
"Well I hardly have a choice," Heather said remorsefully. "You need a wheelchair 24-7 to get your ankles better. I  
don't think I could live with myself if you could never walk again."**

**"YOU did this!" Laura screamed.  
Heather laughed madly. "That's just the crazy in you talking, Laura!" she said. "Now you won't be calling again, will you?"**

**She finished strapping Laura's hands to a plank of wood. Using her sledgehammer, she smashed her left hand into the  
wood. Laura screamed loudly, and then she screamed again as her other hand was crushed as well.**

**"Now, you know not to use the phone!" Heather grinned.**

Heather broke out of her flashback. "My mother is drunk." she said.

* * *

Mist was GOING to get back at Principal Sephiran for what he did to Ilyana. Putting a limit on her food supply? Bastard!

She crept into his office. Sephiran was playing some game on the TV.  
"No no you idiot... an axe user against my sword user? You're an idiot..." he mumbled to himself.  
Mist crawled behind the desk. She pulled out a knife, and slowly crawled under it to find Sephiran's Achilles tendon.

Sephiran cursed the game and threw the controller, hitting Mist in the face. Mist's knife flew out of her hand and  
clattered on the floor. Sephiran's eyes opened wide.  
"ASSASSINS!!!" he screamed. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!! NOT THEN, AND NOT NOW!"

**A young scout girl skipped up the driveway, humming along with boxes of cookies in her**** hands, yeah yeah,**** blah blah, cliche, you know what happens, you've seen it before. She knocks on the door.**

**A shot echoes through the clearing...**

**Sephiran grins as the girl's carcass falls down the steps, and plants a knife in her hand.  
**

**

* * *

**

Lethe breathed in ... and out.  
"OK, guys, my psychologists have all simultaneously agreed that I have some slight anger issues to deal with..." she explained.  
Nephenee raised her eyebrow.  
"No, you dun nuffin but be a beetch, ya slurt!"  
Lethe forced a grin.  
"Ha...haha... good one Nephenee... but let's have no more anger here... okay?"

"But you're a bitch!" scoffed Lyre.  
"A whore!" agreed Calill, wishing she brought a bra today.  
"A loser!" said Oscar, tripping over his own shoelaces.  
"A mean spirited fuckhead!" Lekain roared.  
"You're a...*SNORE*" Haar drifted off into a deep snooze.  
"NO MORE FUCKING ANGER!!!!!!!" Lethe screamed, and roundhouse kicked Ranulf. Ranulf ran home crying.

* * *

Lethe, Soren, Mia and Ike were back at Lekain's office.  
"You think you are SO important to the story that you have to escape from my office?" Lekain asked, condescendingly.

Lethe snapped.  
"Alright, I get it, you're all scary," she started. "But honestly, did you ever care for that FUCKING FAT OGRE?" she yelled.

Lekain pondered for a second.  
"Nah, but this isn't about discipline, it's about abusing power. That, my kids, is what teaching is all about." Lekain grinned.

Lethe stood straight up. Lekain did the same.

"Jeez, Lethe's PMS is working to our advantage this time..." Mia whispered to Ike.

TO BE CONTINUED

* * *

_I'm so sorry guys for such a short chapter, but I felt I needed to update soon because it's been so long. Thank you to everyone  
who left reviews, remember to message me for suggestions, I've got a lot of chapters to go and I need to steal ideas._

=)


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